Emmett Turns 2!

It was a really good day. Emmett slept in that morning (albeit he came onto our bed to do so, but it was still cute nonetheless) and we let him start off his day by playing Mario Kart. That is, hands down, his favorite activity and he's obsessed with Mario everything. Which is obviously why we threw him a Mario themed birthday! 

After playing around for a while, we convinced Emmett to open his presents; he didn't really understand the concept of presents yet. But once we started him off, he understood perfectly! And boy was he happy! He was really excited for all his art supplies, and adored his Mario water bottle. But the thing he loved most was his Daniel Tiger book, so much so that he made us read it to him about a dozen times over the course of the morning. Over and over and over and over...

 

Emmett finally took a nap that afternoon and I started working on his cake. Holy cow, making fancy to do cakes is time consuming and not easy for a first timer! But I feel it turned out really well!

And then we went swimming! Or tried to, anyway. Emmett is only sometimes a fan, and this time it was too cold in his opinion to actually swim more than about 10 minutes.

Nonetheless, he loved the rest of his party. He loved his cake, he loved the ice cream, he loved the company and he loved his presents! He especially loved the everything Daniel Tiger he got.

At the end of the night, we went to dinner at Taco Amigo and this kid loves fry sauce. He's definitely my spawn!

I really do love this kid. He's going to be such a wonderful big brother.

Happy Birthday Emmett!

facebook friends.

I'd just like to take a moment to thank facebook for reminding me that my wonderful friend Kori and I have been facebook friends for 7 whole years today!

I'd also like to thank them for reminding me that she's gone. That she was killed in a freak car accident where an 18 wheeler semi truck rolled on top of her while driving in the lane next to it. That it's been 3 months since she died and I still can't come to grips with it.


Kori taught me so much, despite what many thought of her at the time we were closest.

Don't save until tomorrow what you can do today. Don't wait to apologize to someone. Don't wait to ask how others are doing. Whether you know of their struggles or not, everyone has something they could talk about and get off their chest. Don't wait to be a friend. Be passionate about something. Work hard. Be genuine. Be caring. Find the funny parts in life and highlight them to brighten someone else's day.

To my LDS friends; don't shun those who have never been or who have chosen to leave the church. They aren't bad people on that little fact alone. There are so many wonderful, kind and genuine people that have so much to offer the world that have different beliefs and views on life. Respect them, as you'd want to be respected. You'll find some great people that way. I know I did. Our friendship is proof, you really don't have to have to have the same beliefs to have a great, worthwhile friendship.

I remember having a lot of people giving me weird and judgmental looks in high school because I talked with this awesome girl, because she dressed in black and hung out with those people. But they didn't know her like I did. And I am so glad I took the time to get to know her and be friends with someone more wonderful and genuine than so many people in this world. 8th grade art would have been such a bore without her, and that class started a hilarious friendship. Knowing her made me a better person. Knowing her honestly changed my life.

I may not have gotten to see her as often as I would've liked the last couple years since her family moved out of Utah so she didn't really visit, and I never thought about taking the time to go to Oregon, but I love you Kori. I hope you're keeping all those plants alive up in heaven; they must have been pretty dead to have had you brought there to liven them up.

cyberbullying.

In no world is this ok. In no world is any type of bullying ok. But I am so tired of hearing people telling others to just "suck it up" because it's just online. It's not "IRL" (in real life, for those non-savvy acronym folks) so it doesn't matter.

That simply isn't true. If it isn't "real life," then what is it? There's a fake life we can live? That's news to me.

People who have had online relationships, for instance; do you honestly think they would ever say that their relationship wasn't at all real and that there were zero feelings involved? That they're simply living a fake life? Tell that to all the people who have found relationships online, and then began dating or got married.

The point is, if you are one of those people, you are the type of person I hope my children are lucky enough to avoid. It's people who cyberbully (and "regular" bully) that I am most terrified for for my kids. I know what it's like. I also know what it's like to be that person who does the bullying and looking back on it and feeling like complete crap for having done so. Don't be that person. It's not worth it for anyone.

be here or be square.

I read a great blogpost recently that made me realize a lot of things about myself; while not inherently bad, social media is simply just a distraction and can cause us to lose sight of what we really need to be doing with our lives. You can read what made me finally change my mind here:

http://inthebeginningkyleandcaroline.weebly.com

And no, I have no idea who this girl is and I'm not trying to advertise something haha. That being said, I still think that what she said, and how she said it, is so important. And what is even more touching are the comments. One in particular was from a practicing Muslim, who, despite having no thoughts of Christ who was talked about a number of times, was still moved by God to do what was best for them. I appreciate that they found a common connection with someone of Christian faith, because that is one of my favorite things in the world; finding connections with others, finding intermittent similarities between faiths and strengthening each other.

While it probably isn't necessary for everyone to just get rid of social media, I think that for most people, it would be a really good idea to reevaluate how often we're using it and see if it's something to change. I know I for one am on it way too often, and so for myself, it's time to cut back on your typical social media websites. So here's to blogging more, tweeting and facebook stalking less, and becoming closer to who I want to be.

Drowning

Artist: Yongsung Kim. You may purchase this image here: http://www.goodsalt.com/search/Yongsung_Kim.html

This has been one of my favorite images of Christ for years. It is the one that I hope to get first when we truly start being able to decorate our home. 

This image has such a powerful meaning to me. For the last few years, I've been struggling a lot for various reasons. Not that I've really told anyone about it, because that's not what I do. But ever since I was pregnant was Emmett and was throwing up so often I'd rarely make it to church more than an hour (if even that) and it became really difficult to ever come back. With us having moved 6 times since we've been married, and knowing we'd never be in a real ward for very long, it just wasn't a priority to get to know people, or go to anything but sacrament meeting. And that's when it started. And it only got worse from there.

Ever since then, my focus in life has totally shifted and it has been so very difficult to come back. I would go months without praying, months without reading scriptures, went over a year without going to the temple.

You can go ahead and guess how well this has gone.

I've become bitter and jealous and judgmental. I've become spiritually dead. I've always had issues with depression and feelings of neglect and being hard on myself, but especially since I had Emmett, it has become tremendously worse. And for months and weeks and years I've wallowed. I've focused solely on how to get myself ahead with material things, and while that isn't inherently bad, that I was only focused on that is. I was so spiritually broken that when I found out I was pregnant, one of the only things I could think of was how this would affect my work. And that bothered me, because I felt trapped. Motherhood has never been something I was thrilled about it and it is especially difficult for me. You can imagine how that couples up with being hard on myself, more so than your average person. And it's been brutal.

I've been literally drowning in self-depreciation and volatile relationships. And I've had to cut ties with people, some of which I've been friends with a decade, to keep myself afloat, to rid myself of negativity and drama.

I've also had a lot of forgiving to do. Not just of myself, but of others. I can't decide which has been harder.

But I can tell you that God is good. I can tell you that in some of the most difficult ways possible at times, He makes a point of seeing you through. And it's at your darkest points, when you're drowning the most that He is always there, hand thrust into the water, ready to pull you to the air.

I'm not perfect by any means. I'm far from it. But I'm finding that as I come back to God,  my life has been made easier. The stress has been reduced.

His overwhelming peace has washed over me. And I cannot describe to you how awesome that feeling is to have again in my life.

I miss who I was in high school. I miss the amount of trust I had in God. I miss how spiritually oriented I was. And I'm making it a point to get her back because I need her back. And honestly, it's what my kids need too.

That's the mom they deserve.

Back on the Horse

I've only made a couple tiny posts over the last year. I always meant to, and that clearly didn't happen. Blogging used to be such a great outlet for me. And then I've had some crazies in my life over the last few years, and that became less of a priority for me. But I want to do it again.

I'm hoping to post at least once a month. I want to set a goal that is attainable and I want to do my best to follow through with it. Not to mention all the other goals I'm hoping to accomplish.

So here's the list so far:

• Starting in (or sooner, if I can manage) October, I would like to have at least one client a month to do photoshoots for.
• Read one book a month
• Workout 2-3 times a week
• Find a group of mommy friends
• Sell off all of my shop inventory by the end of the year
• Post on this blog at least once a month
• Blog every session I do/have done for photography

So. For anyone looking for a photographer, hit me up! I'm still willing to do one or two more before I have the baby, as long as they are shot by August 1st. Obviously weddings are so very not included in that. Take a look here for my photography updates! Though I'll occasionally post my favorite shot or two on this blog too, just for kicks and to show off my work. Shown here with this lovely set of maternity shots:

Glass.

I had to get glasses this week. I made the mistake of not getting anti-glare or scratch resistant so it feels like I've always got glare from 50 different places on the glasses. It's going to take so, so much getting used to.

Speaking of glass. I'm trying to get a new set of glass for my camera. I don't have any other lenses than my original kit lens, and there are a few in particular that I've been wanting to get, specifically for portraiture. Here's to hoping that I can get some soon.